Several years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression. It has been a rough road. I am still in the midst of the struggle. My hope that this blog will be a step in what I hope to be my recovery.

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07 January 2006
  Stigma
Why is there such a stigma associated with Mental Illness. Recently my sone who is diagnosed with bipolar qualified for SSI benefits. Now if our son was disabled and in a wheel chair no one would think twice. Recently my wife commented on the relief it was that we no longer had to worry about his medical care. She was told by a friend that maybe she shouldn't talk about it because people might not understand. My question is understand what?

I am bipolar, and I am beginning to be bolder about acknowledging that. The rub is that I have lost two jobs directly related to my illness. This makes it difficult for me to talk about it. If I had Diabeties then no one would think twice about it. They would understand the expensive medical treatments. But because it is a "Mental Illness" they do not understand.

It is sad really. There is so much that we can learn from those who have mental illnesses. Some of our greatest thinkers, artist, and such had some form of mental illness. Everytime I post here it is a scary experience. While I am growing bolder in admitting to my illness, I do realize the sterio types associated with mental illness. I wonder some time if someone I know will wander in here and recognize something that I have said. What will there responce be if they do? I know I shouldn't worry about that but I do. Well its late and tomorrow is an early day.


01 January 2006
  Happy New Year
Well the new year is on us. We went over to my parent's house for a party. Surprisingly even my son and my nephews seemed to get along. Some minor problems but none near as bad as we had at Christmas. We did go see Narnia this afternoon with my son and 6 year old daughter. I wanted to take my 14 year old too, but she balked so much that we let her stay home. She was also upset that she had to go to the party at my parents. She wanted to go to a party at her boy friends house. She did not seem to understand my concerns with her being out that late with her boyfriend. I am not sure I did the best job explaining my concerns. She is growing up, and I know that I have to start letting go and trusting more. I cannot protect her forever but I do want to protect her for as long as I can. Its a father thing I guess.

I want this new year to be different. I want to bring my family back together after all that has happened to tear them apart over the past couple of years. I just wish there was a clear way to go. Some instruction book that told me how to do what needs to be done. That is the problem with life there is no instruction manual. No way to tell if your making a mistake until after you have made it.